1: Intention

Imam Sadiq (a.s.) narrates, 'Allah has appointed some angels at Imam Husain's grave. When a Shia makes the intention for Imam Husain's (a.s.) Ziarat, Allah forgives all his sins. When he takes a step to go for Ziarat, he erases his sins. His virtues multiply and they increase till the time he becomes worthy of Paradise’. 

(Wasailul Mohibbeen, pg. 280)

Our new year begins without the fireworks and celebration but with the same reflection of months past and resolutions for the coming ones.  Moharram 2011/2012 was a pivotal month for me, Allah(swt) opened my heart and eyes this year, opened my eyes to my wasteful and material lifestyle, made it clearer to me about the dangers of this world and false notions of what's important.  With each string I was breaking that held me to this world I felt I was being pulled closer to the calling of my Imams. With each description of pilgrims, that Sayed Ammar Nakshawani narrated, who flock to our beloved Imams and weep in their presence humbly rubbing their cheeks against the bars that keep them apart, I felt an increasing desire I hadn't really felt before other than when I was summoned on hajj in 2006. Its an insatiable voice, it stops at nothing, it has a mind of its own and will not be silenced until it is aim is met.  And that is when my Ziyarat began.

Initially, I was selfish, I only thought of myself going, to fulfill that burning desire I had inside, however, my kids would have none of it. I have a 13 yr old, a 9 yr. old, 4 yr. old, and a 3 yr old. Yes, a mother of 4. Of course, I had no intention whatsoever of taking my younger 2 because that would mean less ibadat for me, less focus, less time, less independence. I couldn't even imagine them coming with me. My initial vision was being completely lost in devotion in the very threshold of ahle Muhammad. That of course was not the case...